Posted on February 23rd, 2009 by Open Aсcess Seattle Administrator under Humor for Seattle.
Tags: Humor
Sam had been in the computer business for 25 years and was finally sick of
the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Vermont as far
from humanity as possible. Sam saw the postman once a week and got
groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, as he was finishing
dinner, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a big,
bearded Vermonter standing there. "Name’s Enoch… Your neighbor from four
miles over the ridge… Having a party Saturday… thought you’d like to
come." "Great," says Sam, "after six months of this, I’m ready to meet some
local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving, he stops, "Gotta warn you,
there’s gonna be some drinkin’." "Not a problem… after 25 years in the
computer business, I can drink with the best of ‘em." Again, as he starts
to leave, Enoch stops. "More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too." Damn,
Sam thinks… tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there.
Thanks again." Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I’ve seen some wild
sex at these parties, too." "Now that’s certainly not a problem" says Sam,
"Remember, I’ve been alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there … by
the way, what should I wear?" Enoch stops in the door again and says,
"Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
Tags:
Humor
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Posted on February 23rd, 2009 by Open Aсcess Seattle Administrator under Humor for Seattle.
Tags: Humor
One day a very sick old man calls his doctor, his lawyer, and his CPA to
his deathbed:
Old man: "I am giving you each an envelope containing $100,000 cash, my
life savings. When I die, I want to take it all with me. As the three people I
most trust, I want you to be the last three to file by my coffin at the
funeral, each placing the money in the coffin."
Lo and behold the old man dies. The doctor, lawyer, and CPA file by the
coffin, each placing an envelope, and the man is buried. Some weeks later,
the three meet at the golf course. The doctor calls the other two aside:
Doctor: "I have an admission to make. I needed $30,000 to pay for a new
Mercedes, so I took what I needed out of the envelope, and I feel terrible
about it!" CPA: "I also feel terrible. I needed $70,000 to pay for a new
yacht, so I also took what I needed from the envelope." Lawyer: "You two
should be ashamed of yourselves, I’ll have you know that I put a check for
the entire $100,000 in the coffin."
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Humor
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Posted on February 23rd, 2009 by Open Aсcess Seattle Administrator under Humor for Seattle.
Tags: Humor
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full
length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of
the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh
out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining
that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with
a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece
>of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this
take?" she asks. "They’ll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?" she asks. The
husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn’t it?"
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